The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces, Jesus man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be. So much that it makes me feel too ****ing sad. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. God, believe me I do, but it's not enough. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, (and I do. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100 % fun. Which is something I totally admire and envy. (?) relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love.
I feel guilty beyond words about these things. I haven't felt the exitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years. This note should be pretty easy to understand. Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile camplainee.
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